in the blue white light of this square room

and so it has come to this wrestling him back to the bed trying desperately not to break his bones and him trying to get up get dressed get out get home when the only thing keeping him alive is the hope that the surgeon’s knife can cut from him the thing inside that is feeding on him last week we were sitting in our chairs at home watching IU lose again this week he is wrestling with death and I am wrestling with him in the blue white light of this square room forty-seven years ago he was the one with the ball and I was in the stands watching the game hardly noticed him but he noticed me Friday night at Nick’s he noticed me and now it has come to this wrestling over a hospital bed in the blue white light of this square room I feel so tired and so old I start to wonder if it really matters anymore any of it that’s a lie I would give anything to get back to us sitting in our two chairs in front of the TV watching any team play any other team and win or lose what’s the difference oh the sacrilege I’m sorry IU I just want him this man whose name I’ve borrowed all these years to live another day beside me

Nathaniel Lachenmeyer

Nathaniel Lachenmeyer is an award-winning disabled author of books for children and adults. His first book, The Outsider, which takes as its subject his late father's struggles with schizophrenia and homelessness, was published by Broadway Books. His most recent book, an all-ages graphic novel called The Singing Rock & Other Brand-New Fairy Tales, was published by First Second/Macmillan. Nathaniel lives outside Atlanta with his family.